Friday, March 27, 2015

Diatribe on Big Vice's Evil Marketing Schemes Toward Our Impressionable Youth

What you are about to see will disturb you. Even shock you.

There is a dark side to humanity that Big Vice wants to keep hidden from you because they stand to make obscene amounts of money by keeping it a secret. Their power and influence in Washington, D.C. cannot remain hidden.

The purpose of this post is not to shock you, but to educate you, because I believe that only through education can we have any hope for the future of humanity.

EXHIBIT A


This is me, but a simple lad full of life and promise. Judging by the fashion and hairstyles it looks to be either 1973 or 1974. It appears as if I'm attending some sort of afternoon golf playdate, probably with my loving, yet unsuspecting, father. You can see that I'm in the arms of none other than the world famous Hamm's Beer Bear with his cheeky grin and welcoming furry embrace. In retrospect we can clearly see that this mascot was craftily engineered by Big Vice in order to lure pliable youth like me into it's treacherous underworld. But, alas, I was caught unawares.


EXHIBIT B

And this is me yesterday, more than 40 years later, proving beyond a doubt that clever marketing of vices to children is indeed the most evil plot ever by Big Vice to subvert our society and force us into mindless service to vile corporations. I mean look at me. The photo is timestamped 2:33 pm on a Thursday. 

What kind of upstanding citizen finds himself alone in a bar at 2:30 on a weekday!


Dear citizen, please take this as the warning it is meant to be. 
The next step is up to you.