Monday, August 1, 2016

Rio Olympics Preview: Summer (Winter) 2016!

I'm privileged to be in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for the 2016 Olympics! August is winter here and the weather is frigid -- almost unbearable -- highs in the Fahrenheit 70s and lows, if you can imagine, even colder than that. Fortunately, the warmth of the Brazilian people sustains my life force.

Here's a candid shot of me braving the elements while I contemplate the worthiness of survival during another cold, dark winter's night.

But it's not the winter Olympics that are here during the winter. Like some cruel jest from the gods, Rio is hosting what the northern hemisphere calls the Summer Olympics. In winter.

In Brazil they are simply known as the Olympics because the existence of bobsleigh and freestyle ballet on skis only exist in some sort of Stanley Kubrick 1980s futuristic nightmare cinema.

As luck would have it, my apartment is 4 blocks away from the Danish beach pavilion which will feature hip Scandinavian design, bicycles, techno pop and LEGOs!

I can't wait to jump on a practical urban bicycle of Danish design and roll along the harbor, my toe-headed children gamely pedaling 10% more than their share of the socialist load.
Because this is the embodiment of the Olympic Ideal:

  • Athleticism
  • Grace
  • Teamwork
  • Wide-eyed wonderment
  • Bear-inspired fuzzy onesie
But let's not forget about the true reason for the Olympics: The Partying.

17 days.
10,500 athletes
450,000 condoms.

This is not a misprint.

I'm quoting now from The Guardian, esteemed British pillar of the press:
After Beijing 2008, an Olympic table-tennis player divulged the secrets of the “sex fest” and the “volcanic release of pent-up hedonism” 
A table-tennis player. Ping-pong players are having a sex fest at the Olympics. And that was in China. This if fucking Rio.

That's why there's 42 condoms per athlete. I think that's what the kids are calling Pokemon Go.

But for the non-competitive athletes like me, there will be more than 30 country and corporate houses in Rio for the Olympics, each showing off the benefits of their nation, their athletes, and their ability to party. Cuz ain't no party people like Rio party people.

In addition to Denmark, I will also be within stumbling distance of the techno-pop party houses of Germany, Switzerland, Great Britain, France, Netherlands and... yawn, but wait for it... Jamaica! 

Thank God for Jamaica!

So keep the dial tuned here for the duration of the games. Party on.


  • Table Tennis 1st & 2nd rounds
  • Track & Field - Finals of 4x100 for men and women
  • Beach Volleyball - Quarterfinals for women
  • Fencing - Women's Sabre
  • Badminton - Men's and Women's Singles, Mixed Doubles


Journeymart said...

The five rings and the flag are an important part of the emblem. The five Olympic rings each of which is in different colours represent the global nature of the Olympic Games.

Ann Vinciguerra said...

What happens in Rio, stays in Rio. Right? Have fun!